dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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