What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
