I'm gonna have a badass scar
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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