I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize