So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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