He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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