Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
