It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
