Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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