someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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