and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
