Can Purell be used as lube?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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