Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
