Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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