I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
