My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize