it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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