I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize