The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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