She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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