Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
