The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
