I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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