I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
