Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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