She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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