I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
