does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
