I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
