It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
