I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
