If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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