you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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