So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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