WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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