Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
