i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
