if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I touched a dick in church today
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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