I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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