if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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