i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
