yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
