Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
