Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
