I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
