Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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