Sry I called you an 8
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
