I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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