I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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