Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dicks are not precious.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
