I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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