i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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