My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
