I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
