brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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