that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
