I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
