uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
