at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
