I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
