He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
