so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
