Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
