He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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