Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
