Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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