I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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