Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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