think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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