your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
