just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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