it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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