wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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