I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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