She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize