I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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