batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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