Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
