my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
