shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
